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When gambling took over my life I wasn’t willing to accept the fact that I had an addiction. I don’t think I realized what an addiction really was or that it could happen to me. It took away a lot of time and money. However, that isn’t the worst of it. It took away my dignity, my pride, my honesty and my morals. It began as a fun pastime and turned into a second job. Whenever I had free time I was there trying to win more, or win back what I lost. It was never enough. The rush I got when thinking about going was such a great feeling. I couldn’t wait for the end of my work day to head straight there. I use to think that certain times of the day were luckier than others and certain machines would give me the big win. I got to the point where if I won a jack pot, I would stay on that same machine because it was going to hit a bigger jackpot. It was such a good feeling to go to the casino and not have to think about anything else. Once I was there, it was like I was in another world. If I saw anyone I knew, I would go the other way because I wanted to gamble alone and not have to listen to anyone tell me when to take the money out of the machine. Gambling became an obsession. I couldn’t get enough. There were times when I drove home from Foxwoods turned around and headed right back. Sometimes I hung around until midnight so I could get more money out of the ATM. Before I knew it my paycheck was gone again. So many times, before I sought help, I would lose my entire paycheck the day I got paid. I had to scramble for cash until next payday. The lies I would tell just to be able to borrow money! What a roller coaster I was on. Emotionally I was a wreck almost to the point of contemplating suicide. I thank God that I loved my family enough not to put them through such a thing. I began going to GA meetings and started meeting with Dr. Breen (RI Hospital Gambling Treatment Program). What a blessing it has been. If it weren’t for both programs I would still be gambling. I am not saying it is easy all the time. I had to accept the addiction and accept the fact that I have to be open to change. Taking “One Day at a Time” I have been successful.
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